FaCe ThE StRaNgE Commentary
by HogwartsIsMyHome
Summary: I'm back with another commentary and this one is equally as hilarious as My Immortal. Join me as I really do face the strange. Featuring Dally the Mary Sue, Edwad Cullen, Shadow the Hedgehog and some other people who I am clueless about but have funny names. Warning: may cause hysterical laughter and extreme facepalming.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello guys! Been a while since I've posted anything. I've decided to dedicate my little amounts of spare time into doing some more commentaries because everyone seems to like those and I enjoy writing them. So this story is called FaCe ThE StRaNgE and it is ridiculously hilarious. It definitely rivals My Immortal. So let's get this show on the road. I'll be good this time and try to update every week providing I'm not at my father's house which is far away from my laptop.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own this story, it belongs to XxDallyxX. And I don't think she owns a lot of the characters so yeah, they belong to various people. It's one giant crossover.**

Chapter 1

Dally **I'm surprised she only has one name.** was riding the Hogwarts Express to Hogwarts with her best friend Edwart Cullen. **Urgh, Shitelight.** She had just found out she was a witch and a vampire **Sounds like Ebony.** with Edward and now they were going to school to train to be better.

"Edward do you miss Bella?" I asked **I would imagine so. I thought it pained him to be away from her? Awesome, that means he's in pain.**

"Grr I don't want to talk about Bella" Edward said **Someone's on their man period.**

"Oh are you guys fighting?" I asked.

"She is just being a cunt!" he yelled "She thinks I like you… um I mean…" **Intelligent response.**

"Why would she say that?" Dally asked.

"Um well uh" **Why are all Mary Sue's stupid?**

KNOCK KNOCK! Suddenly there was a sound at the door of the trolly **Why are you in a trolly? I'm British so maybe trolly means something else in America but here it's a shopping cart.**

"I am going around with candy would you like to buy someone?" came the voice from the door. **Sounds legit**.

"YES COME IN" yelled Edward, he wanted a distraction.

The door slid open and in came a boy with big spiky black hair and black clothes and he had his arm wrapped up. **God, I hope this isn't Harry. Saying that, you couldn't possibly screw him up as much as Tara did. **

"My name is Hiei" **I have no idea how to pronounce that. Is in some kind of anime reference? I dunno, that's not my thing.** he said, "I am selling these candies to pay for my trip to Hogwarts…" [[ I though Hogwarts was free. And if you have no money then the school loans you some for supplies. I'm sure that's what happened with Voldemort. Wait, aren't you already on the Hogwarts Express? Or Trolly? ]] he showed them the tray and there were Burties Botts and Candy Frogs with cards on them. **I'm surprised at how canon this is.**

Edward noticed that Dally was staring at Hiei and growled He always gets so over-protective. "We aren't interested go away." **Man period**.

"Oh okay" Hiei said "WAIT" **Who said that**?

"I am would like to buy some Buties Botts!" said Dally enthusiastically and smiling. **I would love to see manwithoutabody read this. It would be hilarious.** She reached for some and touched hands with Hiei… Edwad grred. **He... grred? Wouldn't you say he growled? I'm sure grred isn't the correct way to say that.**

"Oh um well… that will be… okay well it is free for you!" **I thought you were raising money?** Hiei said he was flustered because he touched hands with Dally. He thought she was very cute. And hot. **Obviously**.

"THANK YOU!" said Dally.

Hiei left and Dally began to ate the beans. **You're grammar is excellent**.

"So do you like that guy?" Edward asked. **Probably**.

"Of course, he gave me free food! He is very nice" Dally said happy.

Suddenly they arrived at Hogwarts and uncame from the train. **Of course**.

They were greeted by a big wizard with a long white bear **He had a polar bear? That's slightly dangerous**. and a pointy hat and he said, "Come students, follow me to the great hall and we will eat and get you sorted!"

Dally and Edward got into a boat and went into the Great Hall with Dumbeldore. **But that's not Dumbledore's job. Shitfic writers have no logic. I would know**. They sat down at a table coincidentally right next to there friend from the ship Hiei! **Were you on a ship or a trolly? Make up your mind**. Dally was also sitting next to a black and red hedgehog. **JAWN?!**

"My name is Shadow" said the hedgehog. **Boo you whore**.

Edward began to grr again. "Why are you all talking to Dally he said? **Think there should be some speech marks in there somewhere**.

"Calm down…" said Dally "He is my best friend, he gets a little territorial sometimes." **No shit**.

"Oh okay" said Shadow.

"Aight!" said Dumbledore **Anyone else imagine him saying that like a gangster?** "I will now sort you into the hat" **Inside the hat? I didn't think it was that big.** **Maybe it's like the Tardis.**

One by on each of the students (and hedgemice because there are some sonic characters) **Of course, that's logical. Why didn't Jo Rowling think of that?** came up to the sorting hat. It told poems for the houses: there is Gryffindor, Huffelpuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin.

"Edward Cullen….." said the hat, "SLYTHERING!"

Edward put on a silver and green scarf **I don't remember that happening. **and sat down a table at the end. He winked at Delly as if to say "Come to my house" **Come to my house, he said. It would be fun, he said**.

"Shadow…. SLYTHERIN!"

Shadow put on a silver and green scarf and sat down next to Edward. "Gee I hope she gets Slytherin" thought Shadow. [**You just know now that she's not**.

"Hiei….. SLYTHERIN!"

Hiei put on a silver and green scarf and sat down next to Shadow and Edward. He could not stop grazing at Dally… **Because he's obviously a cow.**

Now it was Dally's turn. "DALLY" called the hat. She was beckoned and so went up. The boys did a drumroll with their feet. **Even in shitfic world boys are immature.**

"RAVENCLAW!" **LOL**.

Dally's face fell off... **That sounds hilarious. Better keep it away from Carl though**. she could not believe it! The boys looked so disappointed. She sadly put on he black **I think you mean bronze, dear.** and blue scarf and sat at a table with a group of strangers…

Lucky she found her friends Charla, Annie and Meagan at her table! **Conveniently placed friends**. "Hey guys I didn't know you were witches!"

"Yes we are we just found out this summer" **That must be really weird, because you wouldn't be able to tell them you're a witch, and they wouldn't be able to tell you they're a witch, so you'd go along pretending you were both still Muggles and then you'd find each other at Hogwarts**. said Meagan. "I cant believe we are in the same house!"

So there was good news after all. They began to head back to there home rooms when Hiei stopped Dally in the hall. **And raped her against the wall**.

"Listen Dally I want to tell you something" said Hiei "I like you." **I'm so surprised**.

"I like you too Hieie" she said softly. **You've only just met him. Whore.**

Then he kissed her and their lips met, like fire. **And then you died from the burns.**

"Ok ok that's enough" said a voice. It was Professor Umbrudge the defense against dark arts teacher, [[ Urgh, why does she have to be here? ]] "Go to your rooms" **Since when was she that nice?**

"I'll see you tomorrow" said Hiei and kissed her again

"I SAID ENOUGH GOD DAMMIT" shouted the Proffessor

"Bye!" said Dally

They left and from the darkness two eyes watched. IT was Edward he was **wanking** mad…


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome back to Face the Strange. What are you thinking so far? I keep getting lovely reviews for the My Immortal Commentary which is nice. So thank you for that. I don't really have much else to say so just continue reading the story.**

**Disclaimer: Do I have to do this again? I'm not going to. So FF, you'll just have to get over it.**

Chapter 2

Dally sat in the common room or Ravenpaw **Ravenpaw? Well okay then.** sketching a picture of Hiei and thinking of his kiss. Suddenly se looks up at the fire in front of her and a face appeared! The fire turned blue like water **I thought floo was green?** but it was fire and the eyes wee yellow **Nice.**

"hello" said the fire **Talking fire. Why not?**

"Mom?" asked Dally **Your mother is fire? **

Jut then Mystique **Please tell me you don't mean from X-Men. Don't bring Marvel into this. As a fanboy, I will actually kill you.** came out of the fire she was naked but she didn't have nipples. **...okay?**

"now that you are a wizad I can give you my powers" said mystique. She handed me an orb and suddenly the room turned colors **Specific.**

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" screamed Della. She was in a lot of pain and sufferage.

Then mystique disappeared leaving dally with a belt with an X on it. She was now a mutant. **Turds.**

Dally could feel a new rush hour of power in her organs. She tried it out and turned into a bat! "Well I could already do that cuz I'm a vampire lol" she thought to herself, so ten she tried it out again and turned into a a demon chaos chao! A little spiky ball was above her head. **Alrighty then.**

"oh my fucking christ" she said, "I can turn into whatever I want with mustiques powers!"

She pulled out her blackberry **But they don't work at Hogwarts** and txted hiei, "HIEI I AM A CHAO" **A chao? ** he came right over.

She turned back tho because it would be creepy if they kissed and he said it was really cool! He wanted the powers too so he asked the fire "can you give me those powers too?" **I doubt it.**

"NO!" mystique showered, **In the fire?** "You are not my dauter and therefor I cannot pass the powers onto you however if you get married you will be my sun **Well, the sun is a living thing. ** so we can do it then"

"You know what this means?" Hiei said, "If we get married I can have the powers" **Yes, that's what she just said.**

But suddenly Dally began to think of the other guys **Fuck buddies. **in her life. There was Edward… he had Bella but he said something aout liking her on the trolly, and there was shadow, who looked at her like "I like you". **I wouldn't know what that looks like. ** She loved Hiai but she liked the others… **Then obviously you don't love him. Unless it's fangirl love. Then you can love as many as you want. **

"I don't think so I have cold toes" said Dally and she ran away crying **Well, you are only, like, eleven, right? If you're first years.**

"NO YOU CANT LEAVE ME HERE AT THE ALTAR" shouted Hiei in upset. **I thought you were in the Ravenpaw common room?**

"HAHAHA" laughed mystique "YOU WILL NEVER FUCKIN GET TE POWEERS" **Polite.**

And then she disappeared and so did Hiei cuz hes not supposed to be in Ravencalws dorm room lol wtf was he thinking. **I know, right? How stupid of him, coming to the Ravenclaw common room because you asked him to.** Dalli wept quietly to herself when all of the sudden a blonde walked out of his class and aprochjed her. **Well, unless she's bringing more non-HP characters into this, I'm gonna guess it's Draco. Poor bloke.**

"What's wrong Dally?" he asked.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Oh my name is Draco Malfoy..." **I'm a genius.** he said "Arf you ok?" **Since when does he care? What am I saying, since when are shitfics in character?**

Dally looked into Drake's eyes and saw that he cared, he was ful of compassion like a snake. **Compassionate snakes. Why not?** The boy held out a hand and pulled up dally up. "Do you want me to walk you to your class?" he asked

"I would love that" Dally said battering her ashes. **Lol, what?**

They began to walk down the hallway together when a blast came out before htem. It was Edwart!

"DALLY!" he shouted "What are you doing with all these bois?" **Having sex.**

"um edward its relly none of your business now let us go to the great hall" she snipped.

"IT IS DANGEROSU" he begun to raise his voice

Just then draco pulled out his wand and him and the vampie got into a big fight. But DUmbledumdore came and broke it up

"THAT'S IT" he shouted "You boys will cum have a talk with me in my office" and they left.

So Dally had to go to the great hall by herself but then shadow came and joined her. "What is a pretty girl like you doing all b yourself in the great depression all alone?" **I'm not the best at History, but wasn't the Great Depression something that happened in America at some point?** he asked her

"well hiei is being an asshole!" **I can't remember what he did.** she said and cryed again. Shadow put his paw on her leg and massajed her caressing "Its okay" he said "Its okay"

Meanwhile hiei was updates punishing walls angerly! **I don't even know what to make of that sentence. ** "WHY DID I HURT HER?" he aksed himself and then he thaught of a soluble. **Now is not the time for Science. ** "I will win her back" he said.

Meanwhile Edward and Draco were upstairs in Dumbeldores house. **House? I assumed he had a room, yes, but a fucking house?** They were sitting on his bed **Kinky.** cuz he said they were out of cars. **Of course.**

"What do you think u punishment should be?" Dubledore asked paseing around he was wearing a black t-shirt and ripped Hollister jeans that showed off his mussles. **I** **can't even imagine that.** Edward grred, his sences were tingling… **Like Spidey Senses? Sparklepants doesn't deserve Spidey Senses.** that something was not wrong. **That's good.**

Suddenly dumbeldore put his hands on bot of their legs and said "I can think of something.." ** Well that escalated quickly.**

"OMG you faggot!" **Homophobe** draco screamed. He tried to run but he couldnot….. **I hope I'm not going to have to make this rated M. My friends will never let me live it down.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again few readers that I have. Seriously, I'm sure there aren't many of you, no one has reviewed or followed or anything. I'm not too bothered. I enjoy doing these commentaries, even if it's just for myself. Anyway, just thought I'd warn you that there are some slight sex scenes in this. They're not bad enough for me to change the rating but I just thought I'd let you know in case you don't want read it. I'm the story will make as much sense as it normally does if you skip a chapter. **

Chapter 3

Shadow and Dally were talking in the Great Hall when all of the sudden a cheetah **Must be that infamous Hogwarts jaguar.** ran in at warped speed, barreling through chairs and people in a frantic rush of hurry.

"SHADOW! DALLY!" shouted the cheetah, **It talks too.** suddenly it turned back into Charla (she is a anemograph **Sure, okay.** and can turn into a cheetah) "SOMETHING IS GOING UPSTAIRES" **WHAT IS IT?**

Shadow put them all on his back because he is fastest even faster than the lepoard and they ran upstairs and busted down Dumble's door **Ehehehe, Dumble's door. Because he's Dumbledore.** just in time to see him unzipping his genes. **Wish I could do that. Would make it easier to turn myself into a superhero. Still don't know what powers I should give myself.**

"NOOO! EDWARD!" **What about Draco?** Dally shouted… she loved Edward and would never see him get hurt. She ran at Dumbledore and headbutted him. **Don't know why no one else thought of that.** He flew back into the wall and fell into his phenix, and they both exploded into thin air.

"FUCK WE LOST THEM" exclaimed Draco, "We have to get that basterd fired from Hogywarts" **He's gone now, what difference does it make?**

The three of them mated **Doesn't surprise me.** downstairs to Professors Macnoggle's orifice **Nice.** and demanded an interview. She opened the dory to her chamber and said "Come in dearest stunts! **Stunts?** What can I ass you in?" **Ehehehe, ass.**

"We need to get a certain pedofile fired from this plays," **What play is it? A Shakespeare one?** said Harry, **Wait, when did Harry join this shit hole?** "He tried to rape some students including me"

"Oh no don't worry thought I will have it all took care of," she said and bamfed them out. **Minnie is a BAMF.**

A week later a blog was posted aboot it in the bathroom **A blog. In the bathrooms. Why not?** that said "A teacher has ben fired to improper actinic against a students, this teacher is Professes Umbrige" **Thank Odin she's gone.**

"WAT" they all mounted in unicorns, **Charlie, we're going to candy mountain! ** "THEY FIRED THE WRONG TEACHER""Wait keep reading" said Shadow, "It said more"

"There is a new teacher to be hired in place of this one and his name is Jack Skeleton". **Is he an OC or from a different fandom? I dunno, does anyone else? **

"Yay!" I said, "Professor Skeleton will know what to do! **How can you be so sure?** Let's go to his class and tell him about that faggot Dumbledore."

They whaled over and came into his office. He was very skinny and had a skull for a head and no eyes but teeth on them. **Why would you hire someone like that as a teacher? He'd scare the shit out of everyone. **

"Hello students, what can I halp you with?" he asserted.

"Dumbledore Is gay!" blarted Edword. **Blarted.**

"Well students there is nothing wrong with bean gay,"** Someone tell that to the rest of the world. **he said,"I am bisexual myself."

"No but he tried to FINGER US" said Draco, **I don't remember that.** he turned blue **Blue?** a little because he was embarrassed. Draco is straight and it's Adam and Steve not Adam and Steve. **What? Who are Adam and Steve? And what do they have to do with anything?  
**  
"OH FUCK" said Jack. They exclaimed to his the whole story and he said, "Don't worry I will take acres of this. **How many acres?** Just go to your rooms and sleep for tonight. Until then incest Dumbledore **Dumbledore is incest?** is not here there are no rules…"

So they left and went to their rooms, except for Dally And Hiei who hung out outside where the dorm rooms started. **So they could have sex**

"Did you hear what Proffessor Skeleton said?" Hiei asked, "I know that you are mad at me but there are no rules and maybe I can make it up to you." **Oh turds, they are going to have sex. Hopefully it will be as ridiculous as My Immortal.**

"How would you do that?" asked Dally.

Just then he pushed her against the Ravenclaw satellite **Satellite? It's like she's being auto corrected or something.** and because to kiss her gastricly. **Okay then.** She put her tongue in his mouth and felt his teeth. He cut his tongue on her fangs and the blood tripped down his chin… **And he turned into a vampire.** he was turned on by it and suddenly Dally felt something against her. **Oh, here we go.**

"Hiei is that your wand?" she asked. **"Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" "Both". **

"No… that is my penis, Dally…" he said. **No messing around with this guy. Straight to the point.**

"OMG you're so huge! You're like 6 inches!" she shouted, gasping for breath. **Good to know.**

"No I am 6 inches flassid, right now I have a bonner so I am 10 inches," he said. **This is exactly what I want to know when I read a fanfic. **

Della was at a lost for words. She was a virgin **"You're a virgin?!" "Of course." "Wow".** and did not know about dicks and it was her first time having a penis. **She's had vagina though.**

"Let's go to your room," said Hiei, "I want to have sex with you." **Who doesn't?**

So he said the password **You mean he answered the question.** and they went into Ravenclaw, and went to Dally's bedroom. A couple Ravenclawers were like, "Dally what he is doing here?" but she turned Hiei into a broom with her powers as a mutant so they didn't notice anymore. **Obviously.** Then she unturned him back into a Hiei when they got onto her bed. **So many things wrong with that sentence.** They started kissing and taking their clothes of. **I think it would've been hilarious if she'd kept him as a broom.**

"Do you have a birth control?" asked Dally as he started to put it in. **At least she's sensible.**

"No… I didn't think to bring somes." He said frowning but he kept doing it. **Obviously he isn't.**

"Hiei please I don't want to have a baby… you can get pregnant even from your first time," **No shit.** she said kissing him and moaning as he went faster and faster. **Don't you think you should stop if you don't want to get pregnant? **

"It will be okay… you can just use your power to turn my cum into water and then it wont be babies," **Intelligence.** he said as he started to tittyfuck her. **Alrighty then.** Her boobs were huge so they could wrap them around his weiner like bumblebees. **Great description**

"That sounds like a good idea," she said as he splurted on her neck, then flipped her over and started rubbing himself on her back, "I can also use my powers to turn stuff into kinky sex toys!" **Wait, I thought you were eleven? Eh, the Year 7s at my school have probably done worse. **

So they continued… but just from the first chreptar 1, **I don't understand what this means.** Edward was watching from the darkness… **Free porn. Why not?** he had used his vampire powers to turn into a bat **Dally has made him a better vampire than Smeyer did** and they didn't notice him fly in.

HE was angry… he was tumors… **Tumors?** he was so mad at both of them that he used his wizard powers to turn the water back into cum. He would have his revenge! **Nothing says revenge like letting the person you like get pregnant from another bloke therefore bringing them closer together so that she'll never love you. Great idea Edward. You're so intelligent.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey reader(s), I apologise for the lateness. Or if you want you could just call it lack of chapter. But seeing as I'm not sure how many of you there actually are, I'm not sure how sorry I am. Anyway, enjoy the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own this story and I wouldn't want to. I don't own Harry Potter (which I would like to) or Twilight or Sonic the Hedgehog or anything else any of this contains. Or anything I happen to mention in any of my chapters such as Assassin's Creed or Sherlock or Tom Hiddleston (definitely would like to own him). **

Chapter 4

Hiei and Delly woke up to the shutter of Hogwarts students cheering and lollygagging. **Lollygagging? That's not a word you hear too often.** They jumped out of bed and ran into the Great Hall where cowards of people were crowding around a girl. **Another Mary Sue?**

"What is going on here?" Hiei dementored to know. **Tell him or he'll suck out your soul**.

"Wait… that's Bella!" **Ah, the queen of all Mary Sues. I was hoping she wouldn't turn up.** said Delly as she peered through the congregation.

Just as Delly said, Bella (Edward's girlfriend) **Or fuck buddy. Whichever you prefer.** was there and ironaldy **Please don't bring Ronald into this.** she was giving a speech about why teen parentcy is illegal. **That is ironic.** "Well it's a good think we turned that water into wine!" **Bitch, you ain't Jesus. ** said Hiei winking at her, and then they took seats in the front.

Edward was sitting nearby and so was Shadow. All the students had to go to this meeting because it was majority for there classes. **And what classes are these exactly?**

In the back of the rom, Proffessor Snaps was watching Bella carefully… **Please do not make him fall in love with her. ** he did not get the memo about her coming to give a pubic speech **A what?!** and so from afar he thought that it was Harry Potter's mom! **But Bella looks nothing like Lily. And Lily is dead.** When Bella's speech was over, she walked to the backyard to board her 2003 Chevy Pullover when a bag flew over her head."

"I have you now, Lilly Anne Potter!" he says and soufflés her **I don't think she'd taste very nice. And this makes me think even more of auto correct because of the é.** into the trunk of his jeep. **Snape doesn't strike me as the jeep kinda guy.** He sped off into the night. Edward grred… again his sences were tingling in the moment's heat. **Stop with the Edward Spidey Senses.**

"Listen everyone" he said, "We need to save Bella. Something horny has happened to her **Not sure if horny was a mistake or not.** and it is up to us to save him!" **Yes, save Snape. He's the one that needs saving. **everyone knotted. "But we need someone who is good with a sword…" **OH OH PICK ME! Or, well, me as Ezio. I doubt I'm as good IRL. **

Hiei was good with a combat but he was feeling fangled **Sounds like fangirled.** from the sex he had with Dally (since there were no rules they had sex over one thousand times), **OVER 9000! **so he did not raise is hands. In stead he deciphered to make a suggestion box. **How logical.**

"I think that Link should do it," asked Hiei. **Alas, someone I've heard of.**

Just then a blonde boy with a green hand and leggings** I hate it when people don't finish their**

And then they wee on the way. **In a toilet, I hope.** Snape was fucking the shit out of Bella, but since she was blinde (the bag had punctured her eyes) **I didn't think bags were capable of puncturing eyes.** she thought it was Edward and moaned punctually.

Edward bust into the room and saw them making woopie **I don't even know.** and had a look of sheer whore **Obviously.** on his face. He balls dropped, **He has balls?** he could not believe what he was saving. In his head he saw that his doorest Bella was in danger.. but in his yes he was seeing that it was not the chaste at all. Bella was indeed riding Snape's cock with her pussy, and she happy. **Good to know.**

He ran away as fast as his feet could carry him.

"EDWARD WAIT!" Dally shouted.

She wanted him to come back and see treason, **Treason. Sure, why not?** because she saw from the way Bella's eyes were gourged out that she did not know, but then she remembered Bella was a cunt **Good point.** and told Edward, "I think we should kill them both…"

SO Edward came back to the room while the both of them was still humping and attacked Bella first. He sunk his teeth into her neck like the titanic **I don't remember the Titanic sinking into a neck.** and all at once she turned to stone. Dally grabbed Snape's dick and threw it out the window, **I don't even know what to make of that.** and then Link stabbed him through his heart and lungs.

The scene it was messy… blood and guts was everywhere… and Bella and Proffessor Snape were dead. It was in this step that they knew they could depheat Dubledore.

When Proffessor Skellington heard the ipod, **The iPod? ** he rushed to the show right away. "Fucking god damnit," he swore, "Now we will need a new teacher again." **How inconvenient.**

He thought to himself for a few seconds and then said, "Edwart! You can be our new tether!" **Those poor children.** He smeared warmly.

Edward was shocked and aroused. **That's not weird or anything.** "I can not believe this… it is such a hammer!" He accepted the medal **You get a medal when you become a teacher?** and went to clash to teach. Since he was a vampire he knew the most about potions. **Why do vampires know the most about potions? **

"This is good news for Ed!" said Dally. "Aright gangbang **Gangbang? That doesn't actually surprise me.** lets go over whose in our gang: We have Edward, Me, Hiei, Link,Shadow the Hedgemouse, Jack Sellingtons, Me, and who else?" **Oh god, there's two of you?**

"I think that we should get Sasuke," **I've heard that name before but I don't know who it is.** said Link, "He is is in Griffindoos, but if we tell him Dumbledore is a pedofile he will probably want to kill him two." **There are two Dumbledores too?**

"That's an extortionist idea!" said Bella, "I think we should do it." **I thought you killed Bella?**

They all ran to the Gryffindoor commonplace and barged in on Saspluke, he was changing and half naked **Which half?** Everyone ran out a once cuz it was embearassing except Hiei who came out a few minutes later. **They had a quickie.**

"WHAT THE HELL HIEI" shouted Dally, "Do you like him?" **I don't doubt it.**

"I don't think so," said Hiei, "It was kinda hott though…" **See.**

"THIS IS NOT THE FUCKING POINT" barged Edward, "We need his help and so it doesn't matter what clothes he's wearing" **Or what clothes he's not wearing.**

They uncame back in and he was closed. "What did you want gays?" said Sasuke, "Sorry I was studying." **He means he was wanking.**

"We need your help to kill a certain pedofile" said Shadow in a low but gruggly voice, "You are a ninjask and therefore good with killing. You also have powers. And a wizard." **He has a wizard? Can I have one? I think I'd probably have Remus. Or Merlin. Cause Merlin's cool.**

"I will join your team!" said Sasuke he was tying his shoes. "When will we go on the missionary?"

"RIGHT FUCKIN NOW" said Bella. **Still unsure about whether Bella is dead or not.**

And so they all ran off into the night to defeating the faggot Dumbledore with the powers! **Good luck with that.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello those select few that still read this. My apologies again for the late chapter, but I have an actual excuse this time. I was on holiday. Anyways, enjoy another beautiful chapter of this crap. Also, if you have any other suggestions for commentary fics, I'm currently procrastinating stuff and would love to hear them.**

Chapter 5

Dally, Hiei, Shadow, Edward, Jack, and Sasuke left off trying to find Dumbledore. They were gunna get him frisked **Frisky.** from the school because he tried to warp **Warp?** some boys. They looked in Hoodmeade **Welcome to ma hood.**, the chamber of secretes. **How did you get in? Or know where it is?** And even used the map that Harry's dad left him **But Harry isn't in the story, is he?** of Hogwerts but could not see him for shite.

"Wait" said Draco "I know where the fuck we will find that bastert."

They got in the car and drove to the mall by the school. **I don't remember that being there.** First they checked American Engle, then they checked Wet Seal, then they checked Tifanny and Co-op, but they finally found him in the queerest of all stores… Holster. **I have no idea what any of those are.**

They all pulp out their wands and did cruses on him. He flew in the air and wobbled like a booby, **Description. You're doing it right.** and hit a lot of slaves **Slaves? Wasn't slavery abolished? I'm sure there was a whole civil war about it.** on the way down. The employee working was getting liberated. "YOU WILL NEED TO LEAVE IF YOU SIMPLE PLAN ON KEEPING THIS UP" he roared, yeling.

But no one heard him over the sound of acne going on. **Acne is so loud.** Dumbledore knew how to excape however because he was a master of the escapes, and he clicked is heels together and said danished. **Dumbledore is secretly Dorothy. I suspected it all along.**

"WE WILL NEVER CATCH HIM" cryed Draco, just then Dallystarted getting morning sickness all over the store. **All over it? Really?** "Oh my god…" Draco said, looking at the puke. "Are you…. ….?" **Probably.**

"This can't be…" Daldo **Dildo.** said, "Hiei… I thought…!" **You can think?**

"THIS IS NOT MY FAULT," **No one else fucked her OVER 9000 times.** said Hiei. Just then he started to show his true colors… **And I see your true colours shining through!** He turns out to be very Slytherin. **I thought he was a Slytherin?** "it wasn't me… I swear to god it wasn't me…" **No, it was me.**

"It WAS you," Dally insisted. She could not believe he was denying it.. they had sex a hundred times and she never had sex with any of the ones. "YOU CAME IN ME. I TOLD YOU YOU CAN GET PREGNANT EVEN FROM ANAL." **I don't think you can. The anus doesn't lead to the ovaries or wherever sperm meets egg. I might be wrong. I just never thought about it.**

Hiei got bat… the others just stared down ventmently. "Hiei is this true?" said Edward coyly as if to pretend nothing happened, "Did you impignate her?" **Jealous?**

"WELL YOU WOULD KNOW," said Hiei, "YOU FUCKED BELLA… AND HTEN YOU KILLED HER." **That is slightly worse.**

Edward was baken aback. "Is that true?" asked Dally, "Edward… I can't believe you…" she started crying. **Edward is allowed to shag whoever he wants.**

"Why are you crying?" asked Hiei. "I.. I wanted to be Edwerds first time.." she admits. **That's not really something you tell your boyfriend.**

Everyone was in raw. **Raw faces are just gross.** "Dally… I … I need to text you something" **Why not just say it? She's right there. You could just tell everyone else to GTFO.** he looked at Hiei then pulled out his motorolla. "WHAT ARE YOU SYAING?" hiei demanded. He did not like that their was a private convo happenin. A text popped up on Dally's screen.

"I did not have sex with Bally," Edward said, "You can still be my fart" **Ehehehe.**

Draco put Dally in a wheelchair, **She's only just got pregnant. I don't think she needs a wheelchair.** "Listen everyone I think we should put KTFD (Killing The Faggot Dumbledore) on hold because Dally's water could beak any time **It's highly unlikely that it will though.** and its important we send her to the hospital wins."

They returned back to the school and Dally sat in the hospital bed. All kinds of tubes were attracted to her arms and legs to keep her populated. **What? I think she's populated enough with a foetus inside her.** ..it reminded Edward of when Bellala was in the hospital. **That was such a happy time**. But he didn't want to think about her… she was dead now. Now it was al about Bella. **You just said it wasn't. **

"I'm going to go get you some medicine," said Hiei, and kissed her on the forehead, leaving.

IT left her all alone with Edward. **Kinky.** He sat next to her on the bed. "You're going to be oakaki, Dally," he said, his voice sultry and soothing, and he put is hand on her leg under the cover. **Bit inappropriate.** She was only waring a hospital gowns so it was her bear white leg. **She has the legs of a bear?**

"Edward…. Is that your wand?" she asked, feeling to weak to check. **No, it's his penis.**

"No… it is my hand… how are you feeling?" he asked her. His eyes were shinning gold… **He's had some vegetables recently then?** "Are you feeling… like being my first?" **Not particularly.**

He learned in to kiss her… but she turned, so he only got the cheek. **Friendzoned.**"You're 16… are you sure you're a virgin?" she asked him doubtedly. **"You're a virgin?" "Of course." "Wow." I think I've quoted that already. Oh well. Forever quote Tom Hiddleston.**

"I am sure," he said, "I haven't even used tongue with Bella."

"Well… I am with Hiei. He won't like it if we do that," **I reckon he would.** she said, shriving a little. "I thought you said you wanted to… you can't blue balls me," **Is that an actual saying or what? I dunno. I'm kinda stupid.** he said flatly, "Seriously if you don't put out youre a bitch just like Bella." **Yeah, you stupid sex-depriving hoe!**

Dally started to cry… why was he being so mean to her? She thought. Hiei came back in though and Edwart porned off. **Why have sex when you can watch porn?** "What is he so mad about?" Hiei asked. "I don't know," Bella lied. **I don't even know if it's Bella or Dally anymore.**

"Listen… Dally… I need to talk to you about something," Hiei said, sitting on the bed where Edward shat. **Nice.** "Do you remember when I stayed in Sasuke's room with him?" **We had sex and now he's Mpreg.**

Dally's stomach fell off… **That's probably not healthy.** she got nervous, "Uh… y-y-yeah…"

"Well… the truth… is that… we… Sasuke and me…. We…." **Gave each other blow jobs.**

"OUT WITH IT" she said. "We… we… we had sex!" Hiei was so embarrassed.

"WHAT?" **Sucks to be you.**

The hole school could hear the scream… **And then Laura.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Dally was cryeing in the hospital. Hiei ran away cuz if he stayed the narks **Narks?** would think he had beat her. Shadow came into the room. "What's goin on?" he asked while he asked while **And we will never know what he was what he was.**

"Hi-hi-hi-hiei and I are th-th-thorough!" **Yeah, you are considering you had sex OVER 9000 times. Very thorough indeed. **she sobbed, "It t-t-t-urms out hes a f-f-f-faggot just like D-d-d-dumbledooooreeee!" **Or** **perhaps he's bisexual.** and then she wailed all over. "Oh Dally I'm so sorry," he circumcised, **Like Jews? Jews are cool. **"But listen, weave just been given an anonymous tit **Awesome.** about where Dumbledore is… so we have to go… do you want wand of us to stay here with you while you birth?" **She's only just gotten pregnant. I think you have plenty of time before she birth. **

"No… you must go to fight the good fight," Dally said bravely, "Besides I think I still gotta lil bit bonger cuz the baby stopped kicking…" **It shouldn't even have fully developed limbs yet.**

"Is it dead?" asked Shadow bewigged.

"No because we took an x-ray.. **An X-Ray wouldn't show if it was alive. Just that it has bones. **its ok its healthy, just GO NOW!" she commanded.

So the boys ran off. The place where the tip was that Dumbledore was was in the Hagrid's house. Apparently Hagrid and Dumbledore are cloys **Very close. Nudge nudge wink wink. LOL kiss kiss hug smiley face.** friends like bfff **Best friends fucking forever.** and so they heard from his dog, Axle, that he was in there (the dog learned to speak from bean around wizards so much) **That makes sense.** and THEN THEY WERE OFF to **see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!** where Dumbledore was.

But the journey there was awkwart because Hiei and Edward weren't getting along. **Before we're getting, and not regretting and we're setting on getting along. **They kept glaring at each other and then Link noticed "Come on guys what is going on guys?" he asked being a good guy and breaking it up.

"Hie is a shit," **True.** Edward grred. "Yeah well at least I didtnt KILL MY FUCKEN GIRLFRIEND" **Also true. **Hiei shouted. "LOOK LOOK CALM DOWN NO NEED FOR VIOLINS," **But I love violins!** Link stated with reason

But then Sasuke thought of something. "OMG fuck… I forgot…" he whisper… "Listen, I Know why we can't defeat that pillow biter…" **Pillow biter? is that another actual phrase that I don't know or what?**

"Why?" asked Sasuke **But I thought it was Sasuke that just said that?**

"Its because… remember how Harrys mom and dad saved him through love?" he answered **That is surprisingly canon for a shitfic. **

"Yes that's when Cedric died" Shadow said soberly… **Is it? Wait, imagine if this was made into a movie. With Cedric and Edward. It would be like if they tried to make a Fantastic Four and Avengers movie together. They'd just have to get another actor. Which sucks because Chris Evans is awesome. **

Megan cryed at the mammary… **Who the fuck is Megan?**

"Well… it's the same here. We need two people who love Dally the most to savor her… and mix together." **I don't remember Lily and James mixing together.**

Everyone looked at each other. They all wanted to say the loved her the toast, **I love toast.** but they all knew… it was Hiei and Edward, the nemesis's. **My neme neme, oh my neme neme neme.**

"You know what to do…" said Sasuke, "Do it if you really love her like yu sau" **Kill her. It's for the good of humanity.**

"Okay… are you ready, Hiei?" Edward said. He was kinda scared, it was a big step… **Do they have to have sex?**

"Yes….. …. …." Hiei said, "Ahem….. FUUUUUUUUU-" **Meme?**

"SIIIOOOONNNNN" said Edward **Shon?!**

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !" they said in unison **You're a hoe.**

BAM! They mixed together to form…. PLATINUM BILLY! **Who?**

It was Billy Martin (from Good Charlotte) with platinum blonde hair. **Don't know who that is. But Tara likes Good Charlotte.** "Omg…" said Sasuke, "That's SO wrong… but sooo hot!"

Platinum Billy makes a face… "omg I feel so powerful…"

"I think its time for the fight…" said Shadow now feeling condo about the team. "But wait… your strong enough… I can go back to the hospital to see **shag.** Delly rigtht?"

"Well yea I guess… well get your back Shady," said Plat. B.

Shadow went back to the hospital. He saw Dally was all alone raiding "Cosmo". There was an article about sex tips and it kinda make him blush. **Hedgehog sex. Sherlock likes it.**

"Hey… Dally how are you failing?" **In every way possible.** he asked her truly

"I'm good.. will you sing me a song?" she asked. **Please don't. **

"okay," he said and then he warmed up his vochal cords: **Oh here we go. Is it going to be something GOFFIK?**

"youre my honey bunch sugar puff **Oh. This song is adorable though.**

Hubby ubby umpkin **I believe it's 'pumpy umpy umpkin'. As in a pumpkin.**

Youre my sweetie pie,

Youre my cuppy cake gumdrop,

Shnoogum boogum you're

The apple of my eye…" **And I love you so and I want you to know that I'll always be right here. And I love to sing pretty songs to you because you are so dear.**

"awww," she cooed, "That was so sweet… will you give me a hug?" **And kill her with your hedgehog spikes.**

He went over to hug her.. .he felt the bumpof **She shouldn't have much of a bump yet. **her belly but even more then that he felt her large breats. The room was cold (from Edward being in there he made it cold) **Because Edward is a Dementor.** so her nipples breast against his chest… He had to pull away quick befire he got hard… **"I think I just got a hard on."**

"I have to go," he said "they need me at chagrin **CHAGRIN! *claps* **… sorry.."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Shadows back. **Good for him.** They were gonna plan their attack on Dumbledore…

"What is a fucken faggots biggest weakness?" asked Shadow since he missed their talk already.

"Its gay anal surf,"**...What? I don't even.** answored Dally, "if they don't take garyatric pills then if we put enough water in their ass their intenstines and stomach wil leak out…"**I don't even have a describable reaction to this.**

"It is a slow painful dead," Sasuke continued… **I imagine it is.**

"Because it will make youre eyes fall into your tonstils and it all falls out at the bottom," Link finished. [**What was the author thinking when writing this?**

"Oh is that because their asshoes are all loosened out from the sex?" Shadow asked. Link noddd. Link bachelors from college so he knew about priest. **What does studying to become a priest tell you about intestines falling out due to anal sex?** Sasuke was also a healer but not unlike as much as Link.

"So how ae we going to get that much water in his ass?" Shadow asked "We don't have enough receptickles to put them in…" [[ **No comment.** ]]

"Platinom Billy has the power to shoot that out of his hans," Lank expend more. "He little red and then it just kind of goes from there…"

They all took deep breathes before kicking down the dore with a mighty PUSSY. **You have pussies on your feet? Why do I think of the Organisation of the Pussies from Me and My Dick when I read this?** and where there was supoxxed to be Dumbleore there was only Haggid with his back face to the crowd in a reclining chaira with the TV playing "Spin the Wheel of Excitement" ". **And then he turns around stroking a cat saying 'We've been waiting for you'.**

"WHERE THE FUCK IS DUMGBLEDORE" howeled Billy, he was losing love for the world **I think I've already lost it after reading this. ** and they started tumoring back into Edward and Hiei.. they knew it was a trap.

Edwad and Hiei were too toirtle from the evolution and laid on the dirty floor while Shadow spun the chair around to deal a DEAD HAGRID. **Awww, but Hogwarts isn't the same without Hagrid.** There was wands coming out of all the sausages of his body … **His body has sausages? Is that some kind of innuendo for his penis?**

"OH JESAS", gasped Sasuke he has a weak stomach and pubed all over the already dead copse. **He pubed? That's... interesting.** "WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THONG"

Just then Axle came out from under the table… and turned mack into Mystiqeu! **What?**

"MYSTIQUE!" Hiei said he hed a venditto against her for not giving him those powers…

"Yes it is I," she smocked, "You really think you would get aware that easy? DYMBLEDORE AND I ARE WOKING TOGETHER NOW! HAHAHAHA!" **There going to make the best Chinese food ever!**

"YOU FUCKING BITCHASS WHORE" **So using that.** Hiei swore and he charged at her full blast but she turned into quickly Dally and he couldn't do it… He couldn't attack her. **He just wanted to shag her.** he stoped because he loved her **vagina.** … even if he did cheetah on her.

"I cant do it…" he admittoed… "But if Dally knew hat you were doing she would be TURNING IN HER GRAVE!" **She's dead? Awesome sauce!**

"I don't fucking give a Christ about Dally!" **Wasn't Dally your daughter?** she laughed "She has the powers **She can destoy us all the bad guys.** and you don't and Dumbledore and I are going to RAPE DRACO." **That escalated quickly.**

"SHIT" explained Link "We did loose him… WHERE IS THE HELL IS HE?"

"WE TAKE HIM TO AZCABIN" **Azerbaijan.** she said and then with a bluff fof wind she man a torpedo and flew out exploding the building. **Awesome.** "WE NEED TO GET OUT OF THE FIRE" they shouted and dived out… **Totally just reminded me of the end of Fantastic Four.**

Sasuke, Hiei and Link maid it out but when they turned they saw the burnging ashes of Shadow trying to crawl out of the carpet… **The ashes were crawling?** he was holdin on for dear lite but the flames endulged him, taking him deeper to death…

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Link tried to run after him but they hallowed him back…

They went up to Dalla's room in the hospital… she was sketching agun this time a picture of Shadow. "Oh hello," she squirted, "Shadow sung me the nicest song today."

"Dally…" Hiei started… "We have bad news… something has happened…"

Again the whole school could hear the scream thin time in angus. **Dramatic.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

They took a day off of KTFD so they can give Shadow a pope buries. **I wish the Pope would bury me. As long as it's not Rodrigo Borgia. That guy sucks.** They didn't put him in a koffin because it reminded Edward and Dally to much of bed and theyd get sleepy **That makes so much sense.** so they put him in a boat they took to Hogwarts and have him a Viking wedding. **Woo! Weddings!** They set it on fire like how they died and sent him into the ocean where they ware mermaids. **I didn't think Hogwarts was near the ocean.** They all took a sec to say something in his salvation..

"I was always kinda jealous of him, " **That's such a good thing to say at a funeral.** sais Edwarf, "He was so fast and kind."

"He took a sacofice to save us… for that I Ma always thankful," said Hie.

"Wish I woulda got to know him better…" said Link, "He couldhave been one my top friends"

"He was so young," said Draco, "I miss him alteady."

Now it was Dally's turn… she was in her wheelcheese **Oh my god, best thing ever! Wheelcheese is my favourite character.** and had to bring the IC down with her so she was still all connected with links.

"Shadow was one of my best friends…" she bean, "I wouldn't have trade him for anyone in te world, even for the rarest pokemon, or the biggest chaos emerald. He had a handsome voice and could have really made something of itself."

Her speech impediment made everyone cry, **Lol, what? Her speech impediment?** it touched their sharts.

"We need to extract our revenge…" Edward grred, "The ysaid they were hiding out in Azcraban… all we have to do is get arrested and then we will be there to KILL THEM."

"Ok but how will we get out after?" asked Sasuke.

"Dally can use her powers to transform us all into something to escape or like death eaters so we can disquiseourselfes and it will work," said Hiei.

"ARE YOU FUCKEN OUT OF YOUR MOM?" scrame Edward** You'd think so by now.**, "Shes pregnant… how in the bloody hell do you think I'm gunna let her fight you pussy eater?" **Is he calling him a pussy eater or saying the Death Eaters are pussy eaters?**

"She wont fight just heal, god damn it," Hiei said, "Well maybe we should wait til after she has the baby to do this…"

"We don't have time… I know I am the hero of it," **Of course you are.** said Link, "We need to go fucken now or Draco will be raped and fingered."

Just then the whole school could hear a scream from the hospital. I was Dally. **This bitch needs to stop screaming.**

"SHIT THE BABIESES CUMMING" **Oh Lord.** they all said in unsun as they to the elegator in the Hogwarts. They pushed button "Come on come on come on we don't have time for tis BULLSHIT" they said hirredly. **That is actually a hilarious image.**

Finaly they got up but it was too late… they missed the babys crowning and umbiblical chord. But the baby it was beatiful … it had red eyes (more red than Dally's, it was Hiei's eyes) and black hair with red steaks **I prefer my steaks medium to well done.** from Dally and white from Hiei, and it had fangs because it was Dally's vampire genes.

Nurse Joy handed the baby to Hiei, "You are now the father of a new boy…" she nounced.

"Awww," he groped, "What sould we name him?" **Bob.**

"We should name him after Shadow who deid in his memory…"

"Okay…" Hiei angered, "His name… is Shadow Darkblood Yerameshi…" ** I prefer Bob.**

Meanwhile Mustique and Dumbledore were around a orb (tne the one that made the room swirl and gave Daly the powers) and the ycould see into what was happening…

"FUCK" hurtled Mystique, "GOD FUCKING DAMIT I will teach that hot gothic midget **What? ** a thing or two about fucking MY daughter…"

"Mysqitue it just gets worse… " Dumbledore sighed "That boy… is the chosen one…" **Harry?**


End file.
